Phil’s Story
It was the day of my bride’s 40th birthday. I had covertly gathered the families of our closest friends to celebrate over a shared meal and her favorite live sporting event. It was near the conclusion of this event when I had a reaction to an interaction that was far outsized for the circumstances. I felt humiliated by my own behavior, and my bride firmly but kindly expressed her sincere disappointment. I had dropped an emotional bomb at her own birthday celebration. What a gift! There I stood at a crossroads. I could either do what I had been taught and sweep everything under the rug and pretend my surface-level apologies were good enough to move on. Or, I could choose humility, owning my behaviors and pursuing understanding and reconciliation with the aggrieved parties, my bride included.
In the wake of these events, Father reminded me of his words through the prophet Jeremiah, “Stand at the crossroads. Now, consider your ways and ask for the ancient paths. Which is God’s way? Walk on his path, and you’ll enjoy a resting place for yourselves.” Choosing to walk with God into some of the most difficult terrain in my heart for the first time, becoming a student of my own heart and story, saying “yes” to excavation over building, “yes” to masculine initiation became the framework through which I would interpret the events of my life.
It’s often said, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” Or more heart-centric, “When the son is ready, the Father appears.” Enter a kind, fathering teacher named Ron who gifted my in-laws a wooden bowl that caught my attention. I inquired as to its origins and whether he’d be interested in accepting an apprentice. I simultaneously was brought a brother named Travis who invited me to learn backpack camping with he and his sons and his teacher. By way of invitation, I began my apprenticeship as a son and over several years have learned much about self and God through the process.
As soon as I could produce something worth giving away, I began bringing gifts to as many people as opportunities presented themselves as an expression of gratitude. The Proverbs writer says in chapter 18, “Would you like to meet a very important person? Take a generous gift. It will do wonders to gain entrance into his presence.” I have been blessed with the opportunity to thank many influential followers of Jesus for their influence on our life and union with Jesus. Just like the woodturning process, over time and with much care, God has removed much of the excess of my self and begun to reveal what he had in mind since before the foundations of the earth.
“You saw who you created me to be before I became me! Before I’d ever seen the light of day, the number of days you planned for me were already recorded in your book.” Psalm 139:16
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